If I Could Write A Song Like Berlin

If I could write a song like Berlin
I’d be in a different bracket than the one I’m in
My car wouldn’t have two hundred and thirty three thousand miles
And countin’
If I could write a song like Berlin
If I could write a song like Berlin
I certainly would have pleased my next of kin
My father’s name was Irving too, a Russian immigrant Jew
Who hoped his only son would be a doctor
Or a dentist or accountant or a lawyer
Instead I’m standing in the foyer, looking in
To see if I could write one like Berlin
Alexander had his rag time band
A tune that’s quite unique
If I’d composed “How Dry I Am”
We’d be dancing Cheek to Cheek
But if I could write a song like Berlin
I’d be writing the soundtrack for the time
When they were making bathtub gin
Every single night we would be puttin on the ritz
It’s what we’d be doin’
If I could write a song like Berlin
My songs don’t sound like Berlin songs
They’re just a little bit off
Just like my Dad in synagogue
I sound like Irving Roth
If I could write a song like Berlin
I would only play in F# like he did
He had a set of 88‘s and a lever he could flip
Oh man oh
Irving had a capo for his piano
I bet he couldn’t drive a car
I bet that he was stuffy
I bet he didn’t play guitar
Or marry Tricia Duffy
But the man, he had a way with a tune
He had the sun in the morning and the moon at night
God Bless America came out all right
Part magician, kinda like a musical Merlin
No one wrote a song like Irving Berlin
For Hanukkah my father went
To Panama at the Isthmus
The other Irving stayed at home
And wrote one called White Christmas
That’s a song that made some money for the man
And Irving had an awful lot of fans
There’s no business like show business he came upon
The song is ended but the melody lingers on
That fella, he could really really write a song
He was unswerving
No one could compose one quite like Irving
If I could write a song like Berlin